The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
