I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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