im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
