okay pat passed out under dana's car
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
