If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
