Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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