Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
