i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How external is "for external use only"?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
