i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I have post one night stand depression
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
