My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
