Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
