well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
