He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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