Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
