I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
