Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
