I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Watching her eat just hurts me
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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