there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
