VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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