I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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