people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
