Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
