I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
