I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
