I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
