Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
