Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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