OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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