I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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