I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
