Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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