I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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