Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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