Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
