Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
vagina is talking i cant
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
