I didn't shave. On purpose
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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