You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I would ride that face into the sunset
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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