"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
