Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
