the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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