if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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