i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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