Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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