I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
