I hate your face
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
