true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
