She said her name was "party"
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
