He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
