Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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