this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I deserve this hangover.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
