I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
