my text book just quoted the cookie monster
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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